A Side Story: Existentialism and the Heart:

(The following has nothing to do with my job/apartment search... enjoy anyway!)

I will not claim to be a grand philosopher or that can fathom the mysteries of the heart, but I had a moment today which threw me for a loop,

Bare in mind that in between job searching, apartment searching, and helping John out around the apartment, I’ve been playing through Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. If you’ve never played any of the Metal Gear games, know that at some point in the game, you’re going to question the people in the game who you trust.

This one took it further though.

Without going into the details of the game itself, I sat there after completing it baffled at all of the weird things the happen (i.e. the Colonel telling you to shut your Playstation off – that was weird!) wondering what just happened.

The theme asked questions about history. Who writes it? What details may have been omitted over the years? Do I have freewill or is my life a grand arena, where I entertain the masses with my failures and the trials I surmount? Anyway, needless to say, it got me thinking.

Immediately following, questions in mind, I went to read up what my good ole fellow blog-friends and Myspace-friends have written lately, looking for a gasp of reality. What I found was more questions and a reminder of heartache.

While browsing my friends, I noticed a picture of one that made me chuckle, so I followed the trail to see the picture better and was stunned by what I found.

Keep in mind that I believe in friendship despite differences and difficulties. I don’t hold onto grudges because life is too short and I believe that some really smart guy named Jesus said that we should love those who hate us.

What I found was a picture that linked my two last and one of my greatest heartaches together by an uncannily similar outfit.

Immediately, the questions flooded my mind, feeling like a puppet in some cruel show. I could not move… I was shocked and paralyzed. It made me wonder if one or the other was a figment of my heart’s imagination, desperately hoping, no – longing for someone to love and to be loved in return.

Then I realized that it was the choices of my heart which landed me in this pickle. We bare a great responsibility with this, our center of emotion. Some times we can’t explain why we love the people we do in the ways we do, but somewhere in there, there was a choice to pursue dangerously and curious this mystery called love.

They say that if you find love that you should hold onto it tight… I’ve also heard that you should let it go… I say don’t be blind to it, but let true love find you and hang onto each other for dear life.

An Interview, A Quandary, A Solution
Today I had my second interview with Circuit City... looks like they're gearing up for this weekend and hiring for the next. They only start at part time and for a guy who needs to actually live off of that income... I'm not sure it would cut it. I'm still holding out for the Robinson Center to call me. Keep praying on that one.

Here is today's quandary and an excellent pointed posed by my brother on his Myspace blog if you wanna read it, hes the one in my Top 8 cant miss him. (www.myspace.com/pastordame ... look halfway down the page - he's there)

Yesterday we watched a commercial which involved two white men, dressed in bright purple suits - so they were either pimps or the Mafia - shaking down a black kid, while his family watched in shock and disbelief. They have him by the ankles and are shaking money out of his pockets. At the end of it all, they used a reference from one of the Old Testament books of the prophets out of context....

I did not initially check the blatant statement of the commercial, due to the fact that I was just waking up. However, I did notice the scripture at the end and it made me a little upset.

John's point was this: stop propagating racism. Yes, we know the past mistakes of our nation, but people still live in their worlds of bigotry. Because of commercials like this and other ethnic/racial stereotypes, EVERYONE is included in there. If this were true, it would mean that I apparently hate everyone who is not white and think that I am superior... Hardly the case.

A second point on this is the Christians are already viewed as being intolerant of differences! If youre going to make a commercial like this dont tag it with the Bible! Be constructive and original quote Darwin or Freud or someone that might further your cause of stoking the fires of racism. The name of Christ need not any more besmirching, we do a good enough job of that on our own save by the grace of God.

One person cannot do anything to sway a nation who will smile and nod about being equal and fair to everyone, but you can do something that will impact someone somewhere.

You don't know how your actions might defuse someone's opinion or stereotype of who you are, where you've come from, etc. God didn't create us to be like this! Let's set aside our pride and do something... anything that will make a difference. It could be holding a door, returning a shopping cart, simply smiling at someone and greeting them with Christ's love in your heart and eyes, or stop making so many racist jokes yeah, everyone laughs and Ill admit that I do most times. But we need to make an effort to change.

When Jesus said: "Love your neighbor as yourself..." He wasn't just talking about those right next-door.

Pointed prayer:

Hey guys,

For all of you that would pray, please prayer that I get good word back from the Barry Robinson Center. Of all the places I've applied, this is the one place that I really feel the strongest about.

I tried to stop in yesterday to talk to someone about an interview, but they said it might take a few weeks to get back to me.

The official position is Residential Counselor for Younger/Older Adolescents.

Please join me in specific, pointed prayer with me.

Sinking to a new level...

I admit that lately I have not been doing to well on the emotional level. This entire journey has been a mixture of up and down emotions... mostly emotions of let down and discouragement.

I can't find a place to live, nor have I been able to find a job which would allow me to afford the average rent in the area. This can make one very very discouraged.

I know that at the end of this I am going to be able to look back and see God at work all along. That is something that I look forward to. Until then, I have been doing my best to stay in the Word and find encouragement.

Today, though, I took on a new level...

I watched the Gilmore Girls.

Destination Unknown...:

If you started singing "Ruby, Ruby, Ruby SoHo!" in response... kudos to you.

However, I'm still gunna go on about the apartment thing. Still no luck; still no leads. I did bring up the idea of a cosigner/partnering in faith with me that I am supposed to be down here to Pastor Dennis this morning. We'll see what happens on that one.

Last night, though, something incredible happened. I mean, it was just an amazing night of seeing my brother's band, PastOut! (www.myspace.com/pastout), play an AMAZING set along with some other local talents (Jack Move, The No Talent Show, Audio Strobe Light, and Summer Nights).

Before the show, I went to Subway with the drummer, his wife, and the lead guitarist (brothers). While talking over our subs, the drummer asks me if I found a place yet. I had to again admit my failure to find a nest. In response, he told me to let him know when I do because he has furniture sitting around that I can use: couch, chairs, TV, flatware, you name it!

Praise God for His provision!

Now to find safe harbor... or harbor at least.