More than Conquerors:

Today is a victorious day for a very dear friend. Today marks 1 year of freedom from pornography and the junk that goes along with that. If you're a guy, you know that this is a huge accomplishment, almost seemingly impossible. Girls, unless you've had some grand revelation, you haven't a clue that EVERY guy, without fail, has dealt or is dealing with these issues.

His victory is a testament to the power of Christ. There is no other way to put it than that. I can't brag on him enough. If you're reading this, I am so proud of you, my brother - my companion in the fight. Today we celebrate you and Christ's work in you.

Remember your words to me, I echo them back to you: "Put on your armor and slay the demons!"

Down to a Science:

I am no expert at this. It seems happen every couple of months and I am left to deal with the consequences, cleaning up the mess that I've made. Believe it or not, I'm not talking metaphorically! I really am moving again.

Kory has been super awesome to let me live at his house for the past three months. I made sure to thank him with pizza. He explained prior that it was not me, but the details were not 100% communicated to him until after he already had plans. Hence, he needs his spare rooms this fall for friends and family. He didn't realize that this internship was for six months.

No one else has either. They keep asking me when I'm leaving... I wonder if I should take that as a sign? No one really cringes when I inform them that I’d be there for another three months as well. So far, so good!

Today I move in with the Oesterreich’s (pronounced A-strike ... sweet name if you ask me). They do not attend out church, but attend the Lutheran church near Pastor Marty’s house. A few years ago when that church was without a youth pastor, the kids, on their own accord, went searching around for other youth groups and found the group at Fall Creek.

The two older Oesterreich children, Steven and Heed, have both moved out of the house for college. The leave Tyler, 10th grade, home without the brother and sister. He plays on the youth worship band, so I’ve gotten to know him really well.

Those details aside, I have learned not so much how to pack, but how to move a bunch of junk from one place to the next in a short amount of time. Without much prior work, I have successfully moved everything that belongs to me out of Kory’s house in under three hours. Granted, I have not moved to the Oesterreich’s yet, but that’s pretty good for one guy. I had the motivation of music, but not much sleep to back that. I hope that I sleep hard tonight. I really could use it right now. But for now, I’m pretty proud of myself. I think I have this whole moving thing down to a science. Let’s do this every other month... or maybe not.

"I know it's hard think and it's hard to believe that we're back from back from the dead and back on the scene once again!"
- "God Almighty" by The Insyderz

I'm back. I lost it for a while but I have regained my passion for writing. I guess I have missed thinking that somewhere out there my opinion mattered to someone. Or maybe it doesn't. I'm not sure, but what I am sure of is that no matter the opinions of others, only one matters: God's. Think of me as scum of the earth. Well, that's pretty much what I am without Him.

I realized today how much I need God. I really suck at doing life on my own. I have this tendency to want to be noticed or feel important when all along, I am truly nothing. What I am is a disaster waiting to happen. I am an attention and emotion absorbing jerk who wants to feel like he's someone. I suck at life. But I am His. He loves me so much that He's willing to remind me that it's there, but continue loving me anyway. That is greater than anything that anyone could give me.

On a side note: The most brilliant irony happened yesterday. Pastor Steve started this series based off of "The Seven Deadly Sins" (not sure I agree with that... but that's a different topic) and yesterday's topic was on gluttony. He entitled the sermon "The buffet syndrome." After this elaborate sermon on all different forms of gluttony, we went out to the narthex (such a great word for the foyer) and as we're "fellowshiping" which means we are standing around eating cookies and pastries after hearing about how overweight our nation is, this little Chinesse woman in a purple polo and hot pink visor hands me this blazing pink paper advertising the all you can eat Chinesse buffet across the street. It was royal.

Once again I return and retort all which has been wrongfully done and done the wrong way. Yes, I speak in coded riddles because the main riddle is unknown to me. That is beside the point, because my main point is this: I'm done. I'm done worrying and wondering and playing "what if" scenerios. The truth is that it's over and it's probably best that way.

Maybe in the light of everything that has happened, I've seen the truth. I can't go on pretending that everything is going to be alright when it's not. No, I'm not angry at you, but I can't continue to make myself sick any more with trying to figure out your cryptic stories. I do care to know what's going on in your life, but I don't want to read about it. If you have something to say to me say it to my face.

(ironic that I am typing to someone on my blog... in reality this is a conversation already had... so I'm not being hypocritical)

As RK would say: "No I don't hate you, don't want to fight you. You know I'll always love you, but right now I just don't like you."

Ok, so maybe that's not truly how I feel. I don't hate, I don't want to fight, as a friend and brother - I love, and I am put out by the games. I don't want to be remembered with sarcasm and bitterness. Friend, return to me friendship... otherwise, what is it that we have?