The Longest Way Home:

Do the math. I left Sussex, New Brunswick on Saturday at 3:30 PM for an 850 mile trip that usually takes me around 13 – 16 ½ hours…. It is now Tuesday and currently 11:26 PM.... and I am in Massachusetts.

If you too are stumped and believe that this doesn’t add up, you are quite astute and deserve a cookie and a gold star next to your name.

The original plan for Saturday day evening was to drive as far south as possible with the intent of making it to my great great aunt’s 90-ancienteth birthday party. Great plan… but plans never do seen to like me.

Well, we certainly made it south… we made it into Mass., but Sheila decided that she had enough. By the grace of God, she kicked it just as we were pulling into the lot of the hotel we planned to stay at.

I swear, you’d think that the van and I had a kid, were divorced and that she was a bitter ex-wife demanding child support and reparation with how much she digs into my pockets. Maybe this is why I don’t have a girlfriend… God knows I’m too poor.

I wasn’t too stressed out, I figured that I may have just run out of gas… I was following Dad after all and he has a tendency to push the limits of vehicular capability. So we called AAA and they came to give me some gas, thinking that would do it….

Not with my luck. We all know that nothing, absolutely nothing in my life can go right without some kind of hitch… but that’s another story.

We find the one station that is open on Sunday – a tire and battery place that also did general repairs. Guess what? Fuel pump…. Fuel filter…. Fuel line…. Fuel injector…. Noticing a pattern?

My entire fuel system needed to a total rehaul. Now I’m not rocket scientist (or Astro van technician for that matter), but I do know that all of these plus labor add up to a significant chunk of money… more money than I am probably worth.

We eventually make it to the birthday party, where I eat cold lasagna and am surrounded by relatives whom I have no memory of… nor ever remember meeting. However, I did remember my great aunt and uncle, who would put me up and put up with me for these three very long days without connection to the outside world (i.e. no internet…).

So I wait… and wait… and wait….

For three days I sit and wait for them to try to use parts from different vehicles in my van, trying to jimmy rig a functional fuel pump in my tank, which I believe caused my fuel injector to clog with whatever sludge was residing in the bottom of my tank – who knows… probably my automotively illiterate way of assuming I know what the problem is. There are girls I know who know more about cars than I.

Finally, after spending three days waiting and wondering… it is finished, but too late in the day to even dream of beginning the trek back to PA.

It figures that on this, my last trip to and from BBC for school would last the longest. It was already long with missing people to death, but this is pushing it.

My plan upon arriving at home is to kiss the ground and then post this blog… the rest will be history.

Addendum: I did, in fact, kiss the ground only after hugging my mother.... arrival time 3:19 PM, Wednesday.... official travel time, 3 days, 23 hours, and 11 minutes.... approx mileage: 960 miles. Status: Alive.... barely.