Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Two (Three) down...... how many to go?:

“When you walk away, you don’t hear me say: ‘Please, oh, don’t go’. Simple and clean is the way that you’re making me feel tonight. It’s hard to let it go.” - Utada Hikaru (song “Simple and Clean” from Kingdom Hearts)

I am losing friends left and right. One is in Africa for the next 6 months to indefinitely, one is most likely joining the army, one is trying to figure out the direction which their next year is taking.

Here I stand with three of my best friends hanging in a balance of pivotal direction. I know how I want to pray for them: I want to pray that they all come back to school and everything is like the way it was at the beginning of last year: a brand new year... new beginnings.

“Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on. Regardless of warnings, the future doesn’t scare me at all... nothings like before.” - Utada Hikaru (song “Simple and Clean” from Kingdom Hearts)

It will not be the same without these two, potentially three friends. I wish I knew what direction God was directing both them and myself in. I have been praying all day today that God would bring clarity to each one of them. He knows a lot better than I do. I love these people. It’s hard to let it go....

“The daily things, like this and that and what is what, that keep us all busy are confusing me, that’s when you looked at me and said:”- Utada Hikaru (song “Simple and Clean” from Kingdom Hearts)

Day to day life without two(three) of my best friends scares me. I hate being a loner. I’ve done that whole thing before and it’s not always the greatest. Granted - it wouldn’t chance my enigmatic status much. I guess for now I prayer and wish that they all knew how much I love them and will miss them.

“‘Wish I could prove I love you, but does that mean I have to walk on water? When we are older you will understand it’s enough when I say so. Maybe some things are that simple.’”

“When you walk away, you don’t hear me say: ‘Please, oh, don’t go’. Simple and clean is the way that you’re making me feel tonight. It’s hard to let it go.” - Utada Hikaru (song “Simple and Clean” from Kingdom Hearts)

Over the River and Through the Woods:

... to Johnie’s house we go. It has been a while since I have last written in this blog and it is for many different reasons. Reason number one would be my utter procrastination on seminar work that was due on my birthday. (for those of you who missed it, it was the 20th of June..it’s ok if you did, I forget about it some times, it has never really been a huge occasion to me) Reason number two would be because I generally write on my lunch break at work and the past couple of breaks have been spent either working on that stuff, stripping a guitar of its parts and guts or preparing for this grand adventure which I am about to share with you:

It has been 2 years since I have been down here in Virginia Beach. The last time that I was here was to see Five Iron Frenzy, MxPx, Reel Big Fish, etc. at the Vans Warped Tour. A similar reason has brought me to the south eastern reaches of this state: John’s band PAST OUT! was playing a big show with all of the good local bands (The No Talent Show, Ten Years From Now, and Backside Slappy) for Backside Slappy’s CD release party at the Norva - Norfolk’s biggest indoor venue. The night before, Dashboard Confessional, The Get Up Kids, and Thrice played that same venue. This is no small concert.

I have been waiting for 2 years now to see my brother sing with this band and I have to say that out of all of the bands, unbiasedly, that Past Out drew the biggest crowd of rowdy and high-energy kids creating quite the fun experience. My anticipation and expectations going in were that I would be sorely incapacitated the next day. I got my wish. It is now Saturday night that I am writing this and my neck still hurts. Wow....amazing show! I was impressed and almost surprised that he recognized us for the last song and dedicated it to Gus, Christianne and I. I helped them all load up afterward... that is, after the security wouldn’t let me in the back, even after I told them who I was with, they didn’t believe me. I had half a mind to go back after John got me a backstage pass and say “See...”, but that’d just be mean.

Today’s experiment.... success.

The rest of the visit has been a little different. John isn’t one much for visits I don’t think. He has still done his own thing, which is cool with me... he does have a life, but it’d be kinda nice if he let us be more of a part of it. Movies and video games has been the basis of the visiting during this trip. Kinda sucks if you ask me.

Today’s experiment.... failure.

I went with Mom and Dad to pawn shops, thrift stored, etc. looking for deals and steals on music gear. All I have to say is this....score. I got what is potentially a $1200, 150 watt Marshall, UK-made amp head for $460. If you’re not a musical person or haven’t the foggiest what I’m talking about, this amp is a tonal monster that will eat most amplifiers for a light afternoon snack. Unfortunately, the speaker cabinet that was at the one pawn shop (a Marshall cabinet as well) they wouldn’t sell it without the amp head (a Marshall head, but not the same as my giant and potentially a faulty head). That cabinet would have made the set prime, but alas, it would have been tough to haul it home from VA.

Today’s experiment.... overall success.

So here I am sitting in my PJs at John’s apartment and I am realizing that at this moment in time, there was a slight possability that I would have gotten to see Becca while I was down here. Unfortunately, unless I was either utterly selfish or had a vehicle of my own down here, it wouldn’t have happened. I guess wishful thinking is the best way that I can describe this feeling right now. Maybe a little sadness too. We’ve become great friends and I do admit that I do miss seeing her on a day to day basis. We tried to work something out to hook up this week, but I don’t have a vehicle and she doesn’t have a vehicle or her licence. Bummer.

Today’s experiment.... an unforunate failure.

I suppose that I could sum up the trip after I get home, but this moment before my final sleep here seems appropriate. I wish I had words or actions to show John how much he means to me as a brother. I suppose I don’t have all the answers and I’m not sure I ever will. Expression and articulation aren’t always my strong points, I guess. But for now, I pray.