The Conclusion:

BLaAaAaAaAAAA!! (That's for you Wiediez....) That is my response. I don't believe that you can accurately flesh out the outcome from that, but you could if you saw the ear to ear permi-grin. It happened! The true, real, and purely amazing thing happened! It was not the trip to my mailbox that changed my fate...but the faithfulness of my AMAZING, MAGNANAMOUS God!

So here is the scenerio, i'm sure that you have all heard me beat this story to death with a stick, but here goes.

(Before continuing, I suggest that you read the blog entry just below this one. I wrote this earlier while I was in the library. Anywho... so here goes the story)

I walk up the hill from the library and take that fateful trip to my mailbox... as I arrive, to my horror and shock... there is nothing in my box. I almost broke out in tears. So I go to the cafe, hoping to find the rest of the team. They could tell that it didn't come. I am half crying at the moment and so I leave to go to the room where we spend out Fridays in prayer for the trip. The group shuffles in and Mike writes some figures on the board. I am sitting there and he writes 3 names on the board..."Matt: $880.....Damien: 840.....Dave, Dave, Dave,: 1270...." Those were the figures that we needed.... After he writes this Mike turns and says: "I've been on the phone for the past half hour with people from Damien's church and they're pledging all sorts of money....looks like the money is going to be there for you...." Elated, I yelp and scream with excitement!

SO, We prayed and left.... Matt and Dave however were short money. I go to class and I am just doing all I can to stay seated. After class, I go over to Mike's office to figure out how the money is going to get to Canada by the afternoon. Come to find out, the church only has 300 of the 600 that I needed! I'm sitting here wondering, where am I going to find 450 CDN to make up this difference? I don't have that in my account.... Just them, a student walks in (I will not give her identity, because her true bless is with God, not with man... but I'll just say that she now officially rocks socks in my book...not that she didn't before....oh forget it, you get the drift.) and says "I feel like God wants me to empty my student account and give money to someone on the trip that is in need..." Mike laughs and says "Not another angel....are you being serious?" 'Angel' grins (I know some of you know who it is and know that I'm not thinkin anything funky...I will refer to her as 'Angel' because she has been one of God's many messangers at this time) and says "I'm being serious... do you want it?" In half tears, I reply "Can I give you a hug?!" I proceed and am still beyond elated.....

I think that maybe God wants me to go to India.

Paradox

How easy is it for a person to say "I have faith to believe that God will provide", yet how difficult is it to be in the storm. My trip to the mailbox today will decide the next couple of weeks... months.... years of my life.... I am scared. I need the impossible to happen and I can't see it. It is so hard for me to be in the middle of this and keep my faith.

I've always believed that God will provide my every need, but this is truly testing that belief. I believe that God is not limited by time, money, or the Canadian postal service. If it is His true, divine, and pure will for me to go, then I will get the money I need for the trip.... if it is not His will, it won't be there. It is quiet the paradox... it's almost a cop-out. It's like blaming God for what people do or don't do. I'm not saying that God doesn't cause people to do or not do, it just seems so contradictory at times. So the question is this: how will I react? If it doesn?t happen, will this kill my faith? Will I be angry with God? If it does happen, will I leap for joy? Will I become undignified before man to praise my God?

To be honest, right now I am struggling. I have doubt and fear in me, but there is still that beacon of hope that God will work in ways that only He can. I am scared of the way I will react if it doesn't happen. I am afraid that I'll blame God and be angry with Him. I am terrified that this could cause me to fall. Maybe I don't need to have these doubts at all. The one thing that I ask continually is the God would not let me get in the way of Him blessing me. My major prayer this week has been for the team, that God would provide the money that is needed. So far, Mitch is doing great, but as for Matt, Dave, and I.... we're hanging on to our faith because that is all we've got.

"God aims to exalt himself by working for those who wait for him" - John Piper

"Every thing that a man leans upon but God, will be a dart that will pierce his heart through and through. He who leans only upon Christ, lives the highest, choicest, safest, and sweetest life." - Thomas Brooks

A Day with the VONs: Round 2:

So today I went for my second round of immunizations. This time, we found the building alright, but had to walk around another building to get to the VONs. Anyway, today's trip with like the fast-food of immunizations. I think it took us each 5 minutes in the office to get the shots and get out.

Again... I feel funny. I had my Tetanus, Hep B, and MMR. I could handle the Tetanus and the Hep B, but the MMR stung! She said it would hurt a little, but it felt like it burned when it went in. It has been about 3 hours since I received the shots and it still hurts! I am attempting to sit in Models of Youth class... I let Troy know about my shots and told him that if I was feeling funny, that I?d hafta jet.

A side note of God's awesomeness:

I'm excited to see the things that God is taking care of for the India trip. He hasn't gotten around to me yet, but Mitch (Laura) came into the classroom all smiles and stuff. She was like "Hey Dame, guess what? I just got a check for $500! It's from my grandmother who has like nothing..." I'm so excited for her. I know that she was so unsure about the trip, God has blessed her with the proof that she should go.

My prayers today have been that God provides for the whole team. Yes, I have financial concerns... yes, I am lacking about $5 - 600 US for the trip.... yes, I need it before lunch time tomorrow..... no, I don't have it yet. I know that God is using this all to strengthen my faith. I have seen His provision time and time again, now I am just waiting for it to show up. I have exhausted my resources and have nothing left. Now it is the deciding hour.

Bovine Invasion:

So I'm sitting here in Acts class anbd the craziest thing happens. I notice that a bunch of people are looking out the window. Part of my thought was "Ok, who stepped out class and is sliding down Prez's Hill?" I was wrong! There was a brown cow outside of the classroom! I?m not talking a calf or a small stuff animal... I am talking real, pure, USDA approved, Grade A Brown Cow! I'm not exactly sure how this works into today's lesson, but I do know that it is 3:20 and MacMillian seems undistracted and running late.....

Andy Hall-Walker:

Yeah - so I gave my RA a Jedi - looking name, but we'll disregard that for now. This blog is dedicate (by request) the the RA of 2nd floor Ingersoll House: Andy Walker. I was asked a while ago to write about him... by him and say exactly what I thought.

The Dark side of Walker:

Like the Force, Walker has two sides to him. Because he is an RA, he has to be the bad guy at times. For example, when he tries to convince you to arrive 10 minutes before your late leave runs out. As far as I remember from the Student handbook - a late leave extends your curfew by 1 hour.... not 50 minutes. I know that you're not trying to be anal, Walker, but suck it up and do your job .;) (Andy - don't complain about me being harsh - you told me to write my honest opinion)

The Light side of Master Andy:

However, the Student Handbook tells us other things that we should/shouldn't do yet he sees the beauty of the gray areas. Walker also has quiet a goofy side to him. He was in the room last night telling us about what he would do if he had a blogspot.... we'll see what happens.

Having Andy Walker as my RA has been a treat this year, even if he uses feminine hygiene products for his acne.

It is ______ outside today:

That's right... a wonderful dose of Maritime weather strikes again! This whole week has been a roller coaster of seasons all crammed into a couple of days. First, we started out with an amazingly nice couple of days. It was so nice that I broke out the 'blades and was enjoying it. Then, like stated yesterday, we had a whole weekend of rain. But wait, there's more!

What you didn't hear about yesterday (mainly because the blog was written in my first class) is that the rain turned to sleet....or freezing rain... or hail.... whichever you prefer. That factor made me VERY happy that I was wearing my armor (the big, black, dead cow)! Not only was there the transition yesterday from rain to frozen junk... but the frozen junk turned into snow! What gives here?!

Not a whole lot apparently.

I'm not entirely sure what it is doing out there right now. I am in the library and it is dark out there. As far as I know, there could be a tornado, blizzard, hurricane, monsoon, AND heat-wave going by all at the same time with a grand finale of a tsunami. The weather patterns up here are seriously on crack.

However, I have been told that if you don't like the weather in New Brunsick, wait 5 minutes... it'll change.

The Prodigal Blogger:

Alright, so I haven't been faithful with blogging a lot lately. I hope that there are still people that actually read this. I've been in this crazy funk all weekend. My mood has been a mix of pessimism and negativity and a lack of feeling of self-worth. I'm not entirely sure what the cause of these feelings was, but they were not happy. I think that maybe it has been the rain.

We've had nothing but rain all weekend. We have had so much rain up here that the administration building, Pastor Symonds' house, and much of Sussex is flooded. I'm not talking like 4 - 6 inches flooded.... I'm talkin' 4 feet-ish flooded. Matt was telling me this morning that one of the guys that works for his dad was traveling over there and the water was so deep that it came up over the hood of his car an wrecked the engine.

When all of these thoughts gathered in my head, I realized that I have to walk down the hill to work in the library. I am totally not impressed with that thought. I am tired and to combine that with wet...mmmmm no. Not gunna happen. I am still going to have to go to work. I'm not sure how happy I'm going to be with that.

To me rain is like a split record (vinyl). On one side is the emo that puts you in a total downer of a mood. On the other side is a symphony that creates images of beauty in your mind and has the potential to bring you to tears of joy. Rain has that effect on me. Some moments, it is the stuff that makes you realize how awesome God is. At other moments, the gray clouds make you feel as dismal as their color. I'm not sure how it works or when the vinyl flips sides...but right now I'm feeling the "emo" effect of the rain.