Friday, July 21, 2006

The Hunt:

The Rattail, The Kentucky Mudslide, "Business up Front, Party in the Back", "The Calm Before the Storm", Hockey Hair, Grease Chaser, Ape Drape, Tennessee Waterfall, the 10/90 - 10% front/90% back, the Mighty Mane...

No matter how you slice it, we all know these names all refer to the glorious, yet revolting hairstyle which rode the coattails of speed-metal, moon pies, and county fairs into the new millennium. From David Bowie to Ray Boltz, this hairstyle imbued icons of music to sing with unearthly power!

With that being said, it is of grave importance that this symbiotic mane - the only hairstyle that seems to have taken on a life of its own - be taken into account for the purpose of chronicling the threat/influence level in your area. These follicle anomalies appear more often in rural areas, in the southeastern United States, and anywhere tracker pulls, RC Cola, and jamborees can be found.

The rules of the hunt are simple:

Get together with a group of close individuals and travel to an area of question. Some of the aforementioned locations are among the best. It is best to travel in pairs. This will pull off suspicion. Subtlety in not required, though you do not want to pull too much aggression toward yourself - a simple word of recognition to your partner can tip them off.

Points system:


1 point: The standard mud flap, rattail, or permed mane. No matter of ill or well kept the hair is, it is worth one standard point.



2 points: The Fem-mullet - the female version of the mullet. This one is worse more because it ranks higher on the threat meter. The "business" on this one is usually much more serious.



4 points: "Child-abuse" - the infant mullet. There is no greater form of neglect than parents who willingly subject their children to their poor hair choices.

And finally,



5 points: The Skullet - The Bearers of the Skullet are the grizzled ancients of glory days. These are people who have never let go of the past. This hair style is a garland of hair which trails to the nape of the neck.


Brave hunters, go forth and let the hunt begin.