A Side Story: Existentialism and the Heart:

(The following has nothing to do with my job/apartment search... enjoy anyway!)

I will not claim to be a grand philosopher or that can fathom the mysteries of the heart, but I had a moment today which threw me for a loop,

Bare in mind that in between job searching, apartment searching, and helping John out around the apartment, I’ve been playing through Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. If you’ve never played any of the Metal Gear games, know that at some point in the game, you’re going to question the people in the game who you trust.

This one took it further though.

Without going into the details of the game itself, I sat there after completing it baffled at all of the weird things the happen (i.e. the Colonel telling you to shut your Playstation off – that was weird!) wondering what just happened.

The theme asked questions about history. Who writes it? What details may have been omitted over the years? Do I have freewill or is my life a grand arena, where I entertain the masses with my failures and the trials I surmount? Anyway, needless to say, it got me thinking.

Immediately following, questions in mind, I went to read up what my good ole fellow blog-friends and Myspace-friends have written lately, looking for a gasp of reality. What I found was more questions and a reminder of heartache.

While browsing my friends, I noticed a picture of one that made me chuckle, so I followed the trail to see the picture better and was stunned by what I found.

Keep in mind that I believe in friendship despite differences and difficulties. I don’t hold onto grudges because life is too short and I believe that some really smart guy named Jesus said that we should love those who hate us.

What I found was a picture that linked my two last and one of my greatest heartaches together by an uncannily similar outfit.

Immediately, the questions flooded my mind, feeling like a puppet in some cruel show. I could not move… I was shocked and paralyzed. It made me wonder if one or the other was a figment of my heart’s imagination, desperately hoping, no – longing for someone to love and to be loved in return.

Then I realized that it was the choices of my heart which landed me in this pickle. We bare a great responsibility with this, our center of emotion. Some times we can’t explain why we love the people we do in the ways we do, but somewhere in there, there was a choice to pursue dangerously and curious this mystery called love.

They say that if you find love that you should hold onto it tight… I’ve also heard that you should let it go… I say don’t be blind to it, but let true love find you and hang onto each other for dear life.