A day in the life of Me:

"So I was sitting in my cubical today and I realized ever since I started working... um ... every single day has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life." - Peter Gibbon from Office Space

Today is not the worst day of my life, it's not even a crappy day, it's just one of those days. Nothing has really gone wrong or happened to make today a bad day or gone amazingly right to make it a good day. Today is just a day. I think my mood is being effected by the fact that I am amazingly tired and that it has shifted from being semi-warm outside to being cold.

I haven't been very talkative today either. I just don't feel like saying much. This too is probably effected by my sleepiness and the weather. Not talking isn't a bad thing. Being silent is kind of like skipping dessert. Dessert is not necessary to everyday life, neither is talking a lot. Some times talking can be harmful and effect not only yourself, but those around you. Kind of like eating 12 cheesecakes a day will make immensely not healthy, effecting both you and those around you. Honestly, if you take up the whole side of a banquet table, something is wrong. This can be applies to talking too much. If you dominate every conversation, you are a conversational glutton and need a role of duct tape for you mouth.... because other people need to talk too.

Sugar Coated Poison Apple:

Today I've been learning about how bitter and low I am. I was going to the library to work tonight and was listening to some RBF and found enjoyment in the song Sucker ("This one?s to all the suckers who still believe in 'love'... the one's for you!"). I stopped for a second and thought about it. I am really bitter towards a lot things around me. I'm not sure if it's bitterness out of jealousy or what it is. Seems like the things I'm the most bitter about are those things that I cannot achieve. I always manage to find someone of something to blame it on too. That is the craziest part. I feel like that rotten apple in the bunch that everyone avoids. (Just on a note of clarity for those whole feel they need to reprimand me. I?m not talking about relationships) I'm rotten at the core and it's starting to show. I know what Paul was talking about when he said "of all sinners, I'm the greatest among these." No I haven't committed a catastrophic sin or anything like that or maybe I have. Argh! I feel like such a wreck right now.

I think Paul hit that point too. He realized that his life sucked. He realized that no matter how hard you try or how "sanctified" you think you are, your mind and emotions are still a powerful things and Satan can still attack your thoughts and feelings. The only thing that we can do is hang on to God, because He'll see our imperfections and look past them. To Him, He sees His child.