Growing pains:

This is going to sound crazy, but I think I'm growing. I know I'm growing in the spiritual sense, but I'm talking physically growth.... my knees and legs are aching for no reason and I'm a little scared. Right now, I'm at the towering height of 6' 3" (with matching size 14 feet and freaking huge hands) and I feel a little awkward about getting any taller. I mean, honestly, how many girls want a guy who is thrice their size? I'm already uncomfortable being this big, growing any won't help my situation out any.

Have I mentioned yet my awkwardness?

I'm one of those people that A) doesn't realize how big I am and end up hurting themselves or B) once they realize their size, are very self-conscious and uncomfortable in themselves. I know that my identity has nothing to do with that... which while we're on the subject, let's open up that can of worms...

I have this terrible tendency, because of my insecurities, to adapt the personalities of the people that I hang around with. I think I do this mostly to fit in. Again, because of past hurts and present insecurities, I've adapted this as a defense mechanism. It's one of those thing that if someone makes fun of me I can turn around and say "Look in the mirror, my friend, and see who you're really laughing at." I find it hard to be myself - moreover hard to find acceptance when I am myself. All this thought brings me to the question: "If I was being myself, would I know it and would other people accept it"? I know that my identity is found in Christ and that is all that matters, so why do I continue to emulate others? I really don't know.

I guess this all leads me back to my other stage of growth: Day #4 of Damien's Personal Journey has learned that God loves us so much to give us an identity with HIm and be referred to as a child of God.