This week's profunctory:

Ever have one of those days where you second guess yourself? Not a day where you question everything you do, but where someone makes a comment, not even intended for impact, and you spend the rest of the day thinking on it. Well, you guessed it. I am the day's victim.

The statement which provoked the day's procunctory (if it isn't a word, it should be. It means: a statement which causes one to have an epiphony, a deep thought on an unconsidered matter) was during a prayer: "...and help those who do not know how to love to love you and know that any other form of love will come from You..." (complete paraphrase. God forgive me for not memorizing his prayer and writing a book on it.)

This statement, though simple and well based causes me to question myself and be completely transparent with myself, God, and you readers. I'm not sure if I know how to love. I have spent the whole afternoon mulling over this and have realized that maybe I don't. I've had some pretty shifty things happen to me in my life. I'm not using it as a crutch or an excuse, but baring the roots of the problem. It is no fault of parents or anything like that. It has been only within the past 2 and a half years that I've really learned to start trusting people again (Thank you Ryan and crew for teaching me again). I looking back, I asked myself how many close friends that promised never to leave or turn their backs on me because they "loved me too much" or that significant other that claimed to love me "always and forever". I have managed in the time since that if that is what love is then it is cheap and worthless, therefore, I didn't want it.

I know the definition of love. I know what it means to love God. I can recited to you the attributes of love from 1st Corinthians 13. I know that I have recieved genuine love, but I don't know if I can recognize it if I was face to face with it.

What I have gained from all of this is a starting place. My starting place is with God. My compass points in the direction of Jesus Christ and my parchment blank, to map the course. Though my destination is right by my side, love is something to be seached out and explored in God. I do not know where this road will take me, but I do know that He is the author and perfector of love. If I can know His love so well to recognize it, then I will be able to see and know the different aspects of love. It is with this that I leave an all too fitting poem for my present state of thinking.

The Road Not Taken:

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
   
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
   
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
   
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost