Sitting, Waiting, Wishing...:

Honestly, I am sick of being single. No, I'm not desperately searching for any possible lead, but I am open to suggestion. I have also come to some realizations in my singleness. Please take no offense, these are but patterns or observations that I've noticed in what experience I do have with girls.:

1. I always end up hooking up with girls who have some majorly dramatic crisis. I won't go into detail because I don't want to talk smack about any of the 3 or 4 (I say that number with uncertainty because I don't know whether to call the one an actual relationship or not, the horse was pretty much shot before it got out of the gate.... and the horse reference was not a reference to the girl...) girlfriends that I've had in my life. But it always seems like there is an issue. Am I a magnet for this stuff? I know that no one is perfect, but dang, I've seen quite a bit.

2. Always the friend... nothing more. (Girls who are reading this, if you are among my near and dear friends, please don't take offense, I would not trade the friendship that I have with you for a thing.) I've noticed over the years that girls seem to value my friendship and comment that some day, some girl is going to be lucky to find me. On days like today, I tend to translate that as: "Just so we're clear, I will never date you. I just like the emotional attention that I am being given right now, so I'll say something nice just to make sure we're cool." Just so that we're clear, I don't form friendships with girls in hopes for some kind of exchange, but for the crowd who touts their banner of the ideal mate, maybe you're looking to far out there. This one goes for guys and girls alike. May I be the first to apologize if I've ever overlooked one of my friends simply on that basis.

3. I'm a fighter... but no one else seems to be. I say fighter in the sense that every time that the end of a relationship draws near, I am willing to give it a chance and try to work out the bugs. I know that dating relationships aren't marraige, but I've always viewed it as preparation for it. If you can't work things out now, how can you later? I have never ended a relationship because I always saw some hope that it could work out. Unfortunately for me, things just have never worked out that way.

4. Out of the main majority of my friends, I am among the last standing single... and I really am not enjoying it. It feels like everyone has moved on to this different stage of life and I've been left behind. It's like playing a video game with someone who warps ahead of you a few levels: you're stuck wondering where on earth they are and why you have a tougher time relating to them.

5. "...and how come they're hooked up and I'm not!?" There is seemingly no justice for the overlooked in the relationship world. So many guys (and girls are quite capable of this too) that I know can be absolute jerks, but the girls eat it up and they fall for it! There are times when in frustration I have seen that the solution to my dilemma is losing all sensativity, compassion, and Christ-likeness - seperating emotion from physicality - and enjoying the callous life of a player. Is that me? Hardly. And that is one reason why I am still single.

I could continue the list, but I'm sure that I've pissed enough people off. These are but observations that could be tainted by my cynical nature or I could be correct. I am not angry or bitter in my singleness, but I do wish for this chapter to come to a close. I am not desperately searching for a solution to the problem, but as I said before, I'm open to suggestion.