“All that I have ever wanted was to give my best to You...” - Dandelions by Five Iron Frenzy

I haven’t wanted to be myself lately. I have grown discontented with the person that God made me to be. Why is that? Why do I wish that I were someone else? It would be so much easier to pretend like I am not the way I am than use the gifts that God has given me to His glory. What drives me to this is fear. But what am I so afraid of?

God has given me a specific set of gifts that are a combination unique to me. He hand selected just who He would have me be and bids me to use them for the edification of others and the praise of Him. Again, what do I have to fear?

I fear heartache. God has given me an abundance of love and compassion for others, drawing me to people and situations that need an extra measure of Christ’s love. In these situations I have shown His love. In some of them, I was met with opposition and was ultimately hurt.

Last night, I was supposed to preach, but God had a different plan. A youth pastor that is one of Marty’s friends was in town and spoke. He spoke on exactly what I have been struggling with. That was the second time in one day I was confronted with my discontentedness. If God set out to give me specific gifts and graces, wouldn’t He also give me the ability to make it through whatever opposition and hurt has come from using them?

I have not been content with myself. I have not been content with the hand-crafted, meticulous work of my Creator. Have I been blinded so much by myself that I have forgotten that the very God who created the universe, imaged and breathed to live everything in existence, and made a way for me to know His personally love me for who I am, for who He has created me to be?


“Lord, search my heart; create in me something clean. Like dandelions, You see flowers in these weeds.” - FIF