Hit:

Less then 13 hours after initially posting a Myspace page, I have already received a "love letter." Join me on this magical adventure of drama and suspense as I pick apart the grammatic structure of the message and the spelling:

From “Debera”

"i am not into this freinds trying to find dates for freinds but this colleague of mine was looking at your profile and might have a crush on you. we are trying to find her a good partner, everyone in our group has someone. u seem like a cute good hearted person,we voted 3-1 for u, here look at our freind and see if u are interested, Here is the link"

First off, I am a skeptic when it comes to meeting people on the internet. Why? Because I know people who have had nightmarish experiences. I also know people who have found legitimate relationship through it too.

Second, "this collegue of mine..." - oldest trick in the book. It's the junior high "maybe my friend and your friend will hit it off."

"might have a crush on you" - quite shallow.... or desperate. I wouldn't consider myself the most attractive person on the earth, but I wouldn't say that I'm unsightly. I guess I've never had that effect on anyone before. Anyway - let's throw this one out.

"Trying to find her a good partner."- Let me buy you dinner and a movie first or at least learn your "friend's" name... wow.

"u seem like a cute good hearted person." - I can't argue with that one, though the sentence structure appears to say that my heart isn't good or cute, it's cute good. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you to future of grammer: chimeric-adjectives! With the powers of modern internet english, words that were once spoken on their own are merge with other words creating something new.

"we voted 3 - 1" - Ah, the two-thirds majority. Democracy is alive and well.

Alas, and no link. No worries - it's likely that "Debera" is really "Dan" in disguise. So friends, what was my response? Here you go:

Hey Debera,

I appreciate the message, but I usually like to get to know people before I make any decisions. To be 100% honest, I'm not a huge fan of dating around for the sake of being with someone, hence why I'm single.

So I'm not trying to be negative or nay say, but I don't know anything about you or your circle of friends, how old you guys are, where you're from or anything, though I'm sure you're all great and perfectly legitimate people.

So as an introduction: Hi, my name's Damien. I so freakin' love Jesus and I'm a weird

The paper... let's end this one off well.

*breeeooowwwww*