Technically Speaking:

If you know me, you know that I can fix computers. If you’ve seen me fix them, you know that it is my least favorite thing in the world when what seems logical does not work. For the past three work days (Friday, Tuesday, Wednesday), I have had to drive all the way out to our Middleburg office (25ish miles out into the middle of nowhere - hence the name “Middleburg”... that is my own personal deduction of the situation) to work on one computer. Actually, I should say that four work days because Dad spent Thursday down there and just ended up Thursday evening working on setting the computer up to take down and plug in... a job that should have taken me 5 minutes total.

There was a small error in my estimated calculation of this project. The variable that I forgot the fact in was that I was working with Windows. With this being said, my minor miscalculation was upgraded to a major one! All I should have had to have done was unplug the existing machine (which was plagued with a mass amount of spyware) and plug in the replacement. Logically, this should have worked. My attempt at optimism came spiraling down in a glorious fireball, when Windows started up to tell me that there was no LAN device on the computer and there was no network. Monkey crap, I can see it with my own four eyes! - plugged in and all! I went searching through the CDs present to find that nowhere did any hardware drivers exist - so I had to go to the internet.

Here again, I experienced a weak link in my reasoning: a slow internet connection. Supposedly, Middleburg is on a cable connection. That would be an accurate description of any appliance with a “cable” attached. Heck, my toaster oven has a cable connection! Technology, it’s fascinating! The connection was slower than our old modem connection at home. I could best describe that connection speed as being powered by a 12 year old amish dude on a bicycle. Not very fast.

Yet again, my plans of a 5 minute switch were foiled when I found the LAN device drivers.... 11.5 MEGS - not exactly floppy disk sized. I had to call the office, while Jebusedric, powered my internet connection on his rickety bike, to meet someone from there with a couple of CD-RWs so I can actually transfer the files! (Pedal like the wind, Jeb!) When I returned, the file was still incomplete... so I waited for about 30 minutes for it to finish. It finished and I transferred it to the CD-RW with deceptive perfection only to find out when I started to install the drivers....that fatal message: “Please insert the Windows 98: Second Edition CD-ROM”... another call to the office:

“Dad...I think I’m about to lose my salvation trying to work on this thing...I need a ‘98 disc..”

Another meeting and exchange of software...but this time with a secret weapon “If this doesn’t work...swap the hard drive.” Well guess what didn’t work? The existing drive. “Scalpel!” I yelled and I ran for the tool box and a phillips head screwdriver - we’re going in for surgery. “I need 40 gigs of hard drive, my headphones, and some loud music” I replaced the hard drive and got the computer up and running. However, my silver bullet merely had a silver toned glossy finish... it was about as effective as a blind man playing bingo. No Windows installed and what I had in the 98 disc was nothing more than an update.

After replacing the original hard drive back into the computer, I tried a few more things and then with a final call, I got the word to return to home base. It is now 3 pm - I arrived for a “5 minute” procedure at 8:30 am... I was back my point of origin at 3:30. By this time, I had not taken a lunch break nor was I finished fighting with the machine. Back at the office, I did a fresh install of Windows 2000 and tried to go from there. It was 5pm when I finished - tacking an hour of overtime onto my pay. - Total miles driven for Tristan Associates: 104

Day two of the procedure was spent bring both defunct machine #1 and partially fixed machine #2 along with the extra hard drive and software that I’d need to do a fresh install of everything . The only problem with this is that out of all things to forget at the office, I forgot the disc with the peripheral drivers in Lewisburg. Again, I had to meet someone for what I needed. This operation took me until about 2ish to get everything set up and working. Upon my arrival at the Lewisburg office, I reformatted that machine to make sure that everything was peachy in case of a failure... and wouldn’t ya know it today we got a call and the power supply on that machine went.... so guess where yours truly ended up.... again..... Middleburg.

I love working for Tristan Associates, but if their employees can’t stop screwing up their computers, they don’t pay me enough to do everything I do for them.