Staplers and Percussive Maintenance:

“b-b-b-but this is my red Swingline stapler...if you take my stapler...I-I-I-I’ll burn the building down...”

Picture Milton from Office Space. If you’ve never seen the movie, this of a nervous, overweight office employee who is strangely quiet, but speaks with a stutter. The one thing that kept Milton, this unemployed, employee is his stapler.

I hate the stapler that I have to use here at work. With a normal stapler, you need only press it once to eject a metal clip of organization into a stack of wayward papers. Mine, however, required a little more force and effort than a normal one. And by a little more effort, I mean, putting my either fist or open hand down on the stapler with the Fist of Fury or Judo chop.

These methods are not 100 percent effective though. Something tells me that in order properly operate this piece of office equipment requires a focus of chi and other energies to release a series to powerful combo attack rendering the stapler obedient to the user.