Eleven months ago, while sitting in a church service, a man prayed something that shook my world. The Sunday was that of Valentine’s Day and the man prayed for those who don’t know how to love, that God would teach them, and that they may find comfort in His lessons. I realized at that point that I wasn’t sure if I knew how to love... so I prayed and asked God to show me.

Eight months ago, I traveled half way across the world to learn how Jesus loved the little children and the outcasts. I was in India. He took my entire paradigm of self-revolving thought and let me see the world as it is: in desperate need of Him.

Four months ago, I met a girl. There was something different about her that intrigued me. Nervously, I became closer with her and was totally amazed at the wise, beautiful, and godly person that she was.

Two months, one week, and one day ago, I stepped out on a limb. I risked the possibility of rejection and denial to ask this girl to be my girlfriend. To my utter delight, she said yes. I was on top of the world... I was beginning to use my heart.

Yesterday, I came to an epiphany. Because of my worrying, I caused the one that I cared for dearly to hurt. She couldn’t handle it any more. I was too wrapped up in being paranoid to step back and trust her, God, and myself with the relationship. She expressed that she still felt for me, but just couldn’t take the emotional strain any more. I realized that I did not care about my personal feelings, but wanted the best for hers. On the day it came crashing down, God showed me what it meant to love someone with honesty and purity.

Rebecca (or if anyone close to her is reading this, please share it with her), if you are reading this, I’m sorry that I failed you. Please forgive me for putting such a strain on you, I never meant to. I want whatever is best for you. If that involves me, I would be ecstatic. If not, I understand it completely. With all my heart I want you back, but with that same heart and even more, I want you to be happy. Know that it is going to be a while until I’m able to let go of the feeling I have for you. Thank you for teaching me how to use my heart again and for being patient with me.