Therapists say that it is good to talk about their feelings, I choose to publish mine.

May I Be Deadbeat?:

Again, the toils of a “responsible adult” life have gotten to me. More stuff involving vehicles. My Service Engine Soon light kept coming on and so we took it to the local Chevy dealer to work on and found out that there was a rat’s nest in my air filter! Of all the stupid, confounded things to have to pay $50 for.

Not only did that cost, but they also told us that there were about $1100 worth of repairs to the van. GRRRR! I was so frustrated that I told my parents that I just felt like quitting everything and live in the basement and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and crap myself to death.

ARGH!


CWCbay:

My church, Christ Wesleyan Church, has this thing in the buttenin once a month called “Talents and Treasures”. It is a place where people can sell stuff or offer their services. This past Sunday, Ryan and I came up with ads that you’d never see in the ads:

For Sale: 2k3, titanium frame, steel reenforced, wheelchair with voice recognition safety lock. Optional side car for handy “wheel-by” shootings. Once owned by The Steel Wheelers. Call 555-CNLX or go to the back of Kramms, knock 3 times, bark once, and kick the dumpster... then ask for Leroy.

For Sale or Rent to Own: C-N1Le Gangers’, Smith and Westend, Kramms edition Micro Uzi. Full clips carry 40 rounds. Great for one armed wheeling and puncturing oxygen tanks. Call Kramms Southside and ask for Happy at the nurses’ station.

(For those wondering, Kramms is a local nursing home. These ads were spawned by Ryan’s comment, “Wouldn’t it be funny to see someone in a wheel chair up on blocks”)

Free to a Good Home: My 86 year old mother. Has shots and is spayed. Tends to chew on table legs, but doesn’t eat much. Comes with medical records and HMO. She has her own porta-potty and sleeps alot. If interested call 555-5555.

Wanted: $300. I spent all my money on booze, and now can’t afford to eat. Also need an extra $150 to pay off my dealer. Extra donations are welcome.

Interested in Ministry: Andrew or Stephen ministries just don’t seem right? Barnabas ministry just not your thing? Try looking into our newest ministry: Judas Ministry! We’ll walk along side you, become your disciples and then sell information about you to government officials, ultimately leading to your demise. Call CWC offices. Join Today! (But if we kiss you, watch out!)

For Sale or Rent to Own: One pair of 1984 Special Edition Fruit of a Loom Briefs. Comes with worn elastic waist and racing stripes. Passed on to me by my Grandfather. Will best fit a 40 waist, but still makes a great collector’s item. If interested, call Steve at 555-5555

Singles Ministry: Tired of meaningless weekends? Well, join us on September 15th in Africa. We’ll be offering ourselves as living sacrifices to pagan gods! Sure, it’s sacrilegious, but hey, it beats doing nothing! If interested, meet us at the Harrisburg Airport at the abandon terminal in the back. Knock 3 times, cough, and ask for “Big Jim”

For Sale or Rent to Own: Vintage Toga! That’s right, you too can get down like Caesar! Be the Brutus of the bash at this year’s “Roman Party”. Complete with hidden dagger of deception! (Edge sold separately)

Singer Wanted: Tired of seeing ads for future divas and hopeful rockers? Now you can be one! Who cares if 30 slaughtered cattle sound better than you can sing. With the all new Vinnie’s Vocalization program you can cut your own CD, faster than you can cut the mustard!

Need A Reliable Car?: Call Now! 1973 Pinto Deluxe... 3 tone color! (olive, purple, and mauve) Engine and interior replaced 36 times but still bangs when you crank it! This car is great for long trips...like the end of the driveway!