Torn:

I hate the stupid things that life throws at you, forcing you to play the bad guy. I hate it how you want to be able to help people out but considering your own situation, you can’t. Today was one of those days that has made me feel like an absolute retard because of the non-choice I had to make.

Last night, a friend had been goofing around and that goofing caused him serious pain. He asked if I could take him to the hospital this morning and stay with him in case something was terribly wrong.

This morning was the ONE morning this week that I have been allotted to work. I don’t have money and I need plenty of it to finish paying bills and make sure that I have the means to actually make it home from here. As it is, I have about $90 to my name to try to get me home. It costs slightly more than that to actually get there. Considering that I’m not just going home, but I’m driving to NYC with the missions team to do ministry first, then Jersey to have my family pick up the van and bring it to my grandpa’s house... I haven’t many options. Sure, I could prostitute myself to get there, but some things (like that) are just outside of my comfort and morality.

So what am I supposed to do in a situation like this? I felt like I had no choice but to say that I couldn’t and then go to work. It’s been eating at me for a bit now. Not to mention that most of everything else today has sucked. It can look up... it will look up... but for now, I’m torn.